


How Could You?

by amusawale



Series: Fight or Fuck Reflex [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Dean walking on eggshells, M/M, More angst, Sam stalks Dean, Some crying, additional angst, and cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 17:55:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14623998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amusawale/pseuds/amusawale
Summary: A confrontation happens where epiphanies occur.





	How Could You?

Sam was avoiding him.

Avoiding him but also keeping Dean under his thumb.

He only had to put his foot on the stair for Sam to appear and ask him where he was going.

"We're out of groceries," he would say.

"I need a new crankshaft for the Impala."

"Thought I'd go for a run."

That last one had earned him a massive side-eye _and_ bitch face number five.

"Since when do you run?"

Dean closed his eyes, remembering what the therapist had said about honesty and turning a corner.

"Well...I'm not really getting any other form of exercise am I? A person can only jerk off for so long."

Sam gasped, looking like Dean had socked him in the jaw.

"So you're just gonna what? Pick up some _skank_?"

Dean got his foot off the stair and turned to Sam pointing accusingly at him, "First of all, isn't it you who's always going on and on about respecting women? And two, I just _said_ I'm going for a run. And three, why do _you_ care what I do with my own fucking body? Aren't you done with me?"

Sam just stood there, breathing hard, eyes on fire like _he'd_ been running a marathon, "When did I say I was done with you?" was what he said much to Dean's _immense_ surprise.

"Sooo....what? You're not done jerking me around? Blowing hot and cold? Disapproving of everything I do?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID DEAN!" Sam roared and Dean nodded his head in acknowledgment taking a step toward his brother.

"I do know. I do. And I've apologized. I'm trying to make amends. I just...don't know what else you want from me."

"I want you..." Sam said his breath coming in great big bellows like his chest was tight and he could not get enough oxygen in his lungs, " _Not_ to have let an angel possess me, Dean. I want you to be sorry for doing that."

Dean took another step toward Sam, "I'm sorry for how that turned out Sam. I am. So sorry. I will never forgive myself for that. But having Gadreel in you saved your life. And I can't be sorry for that. I can't. I'm sorry."

Sam dropped his head, breath hitching audibly, sounding nasal as he sniffed back a blob of hanging snot. Dean's hands rose, stretching out toward his brother, wanting to comfort, to wipe his nose, brush his hair back and rub his back until he stopped being upset. Sam must have caught the movement from the corner of his eyes because he looked up, into Dean's eyes. 

Then he just threw himself forward, somehow knowing Dean wouldn't let him fall.

_Never._

Dean caught him in his arms, cradling him close like he hadn't been able to do since Sam was a tween. They sank slowly to the floor, Dean holding on tight as Sam _lost it_ in his arms. He murmured nonsense words to him, running his hands through his hair and letting Sam wipe his nose on his sleeve.

"You betrayed me, Dean," Sam whispered, so low that Dean was surprised he could hear clearly, "How could you?"

 _'How could_ you _?'_

Dean thought about all the times that _Sam_ had betrayed him, turned his back, failed to be there for him. And all he'd done, with Gadreel, was try to look after Sam. For a moment he almost thrust Sam away from him, socked him one in the jaw for the unmitigated _gall_ of his statement...but then he thought about Gadreel's hand on Kevin's forehead, burning the life out of him. And Sam had to live with that. Thought about Sam, jerked around like a puppet for most of his life by Lucifer and his avatars. Thought about him clawing his way out of his own mind and putting the shattered pieces of himself back together...so he could be there for Dean.

He put his head down on Sammy's hair and cried along with him.


End file.
